Struggles to Nursing
Okay y'all, so I never been a science girl, nor have I been a math girl. I was always more interested in world history--well african american history and why people did what they did. So in all honesty, I saw myself as being the next Dr. Phil. I remember as a child, I would come back home from elementary school, turn on to his channel and watch religiously. The topics he hosted and his general advice inspired me to be JUST LIKE HIM. I wanted to be the next female Dr. Phil. The respect he gained and carried and the knowledge he acquired just sounded like BRIDGET. This was going to be me. I was going to attain my Doctorate in Psychology.
As I middle school and high school, I took AP History and English courses. Normally because I was naturally good at them. As to math and science....well lets say I struggled. I would barely pass math or fail by a point. A couple teachers weren't as lenient with extra credit. One teacher failed by one point. I can remember her now. Big black lady. I would attend tutoring with her 3 or 4 times a week. My grades suffered. Lets say her name was Mrs. Lonny. She saw my efforts, she saw I tried hard. I made a 69 in her class. "Mrs. Lonny, please I can't fail. I would have to repeat this course next year," I pleaded with her. Her response was, "Bridget I know you work hard ad you come to tutoring nearly every day, but I can't give you that point. It is unfair. You need more work...you gave it 100% but you needed to go 110%"
FUCK YOU!
Seriously. I didn't say that to her! I still liked her. She was a good teacher and I respected her. But her blunt truth was just so depressing to my ears. I repeated the course. I repeated that and the next 2 math courses lol. I was that student that would ask questions, lots of questions. To the point that people thought I was playing dumb. NO, I honestly didn't get the next step. I remember in high school one of my favorite math teachers, Mr. Grieder, also a wrestling coach, taught me. He knew my efforts and what kind of student I was. In addition, I was considered the good-girl. I never really got in trouble. I was so frustrated with failing his tests that I decided to give up, and "try" to sleep in the back of the class. I originally sat in the middle of the class and then moved to the back. I shut down and kept to myself. Hard to do when people knew you in that class, but I did. One day he kicked me out. I hesitated. As I stood by the classroom door, I saw him pop out and he gave me one of the most uplifting speeches. I will not quote him, but it was in the borders of, Bridget you are a smart student and it hurts me that you gave up. You are smart. So what if math goes at a faster pace then your brain can handle. You are just a person that takes more time to grasp it, doesn't mean you can't grasp it, etc.... I still failed his class. When re-taking the same math, LHHS accidentally put me in his class again, and I was making As. After the school switched me to another teacher, I still made good grades. I just needed more time, like he said. I can understand mathematics. Maybe not as smoothly or as fast as you can, but I can.
Meanwhile.................AP World History and AP English are smo00000000oth sailing!
Science on the other hand was a different kind of enemy. I liked hand science. What I mean by hand science is things that involved group work and ding real life experiments. Science projects, I excelled in. I loved it because it pushed me to think outside the box. Imagine how I felt that now science and math were now incorporated with each other :0
I will not discuss High school Physics. However I will say my average test was around a 40 average. I came to tutoring daily. I did extra work and extra credit to be able to pass with a C in the class. So this new science that I came to know was not any easier for me. I was surrounded by math and science; and these are the best paid fields.
My mother, the biggest influence in my life, knew my struggles in math and science. She was aware that I wanted to attain my doctorate in psychology. But I was destined, I was told to get a bachelors in nursing. Nothing I really had a passion for. If you have an African or immigrant parent you understand your limits. No is not in their vocabulary. They want science and math fields for their children. But God did not bless me in those areas. It was going to be a trip. Maybe I can teach myself to like it? Maybe I will grow passion for nursing? maybe?
I had fields were God blessed me.
Beginning my walk nursing was not difficult. The first year prerequisites were a walk in the park. The second year involved more math and science courses. They were more challenging. By this time I had threw away my idea of doing what my passion was to assure my mom that I would accomplish her dreams through me. I focused on everything nursing. By the ending of 2012, I got a job and left one job to be a full time worker by April 2013. Trying to joggle two jobs was a rollercoaster of fun. And then in August 2013 I accomplished my Associates in science. No graduation needed or wanted. Things in my world got bad BAD BAD BAD. So I had to take a couple years off fro school. All I did was "work work work work work." The year 2015 I began again.
The fun part begins. I repeated microbiology to change my C to an A. I also crashed Chemistry 1411 into my work schedule. Both proud As. Time to transfer. I applied to UTA and midwestern. I chose UTA for various reasons. Now, if you have read my hesi a2 blog, you will see that this has been holding me back. Either math or new medical vocabulary that is not generally known in main society.
Deciding to go back to my passion has been eye opening for me. Like a weight lifted off. Seeing the courses to reach my BA in psychology excited me. I saw me. I saw Bridget there. I know things are not always easy, but with passion, it's less hard.
I wish I was able to stand my grounds. I wish I was able to tell my mom no. "No I am not living your dreams."
I am in this black hole that I feel I built. A hole that I had a choice to get out of before it ever completely closed in. I have a light in me that doesn't want to give up, but being surrounded by darkness makes it a challenge. You can't see in the dark and you can't walk out. You can't see me in the dark. You can't see me in dark. I may still be in this box, but I will find my way out. Do not time me. Just watch.
That light still resinates in me is still there. I came so far for this nursing thing. I did so much. I am not turning back. I will finish. I will finish for the simple fact, I started and I will not quit.
So it is official now.
I am double majoring:
BA in Psychology
BS in Nursing
I used to be on a time schedule. But it is okay. Do not time me. Just watch.
